Copacabana
by ZeeCorge
Summary: Like the song Rico manages to ruin everything, will he be able to make things right again? Warning- This contains SkipperxPrivate and One-sided RicoxPrivate.
1. Chapter 1

This is my first try at FanFiction, beat me with a shovel if you must but I apologize for nothing!....... I'm SORRY! :U

I take no claim for any of the characters, all rights to DreamWorks and Nickbastards.  


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It was the middle of the night at the Central Park Zoo, most of the animals had retired for the night. That is, except for Rico the Penguin, who was tossing and turning in his makeshift bed in the wall. The bean burritos he ate a few hours back weren't agreeing with him, sleep was proving impossible. He grunted in frustration as he got up, maybe some fresh air would help calm his angry digestive system. Rico stretched and turned around to look at the others, Kowalski was in the very top bed slot, but Skipper and Private were missing. Shrugging he headed up the ladder to the outside enclosure.

Rico stepped out onto the habitat platform, he started taking deep breaths. Suddenly he heard a noise, kind of like giggling. The insane Penguin looked around but didn't see anything, he followed the sound until he was at the edge of the platform facing the wall. Looking down he saw that Skipper and Private were sitting on the lower platform. Rico ducked down and watched the other two Penguins.

Skipper and Private were sitting close enough that their sides touched, Skipper was rubbing his beak against Privates. "Skippa, we should tell the others you know. I don't feel right sneaking around like this." Private said in a slight British accent.

"That's a big 'no' Private, we don't need to tell the others. Besides, I'd loose their respect." Skipper replied as he sat back a bit.

Private looked a little hurt but complied, "Alright then, but they'll find out eventually." he pointed out.

"You're so cute when you're worried" Skipper remarked as he began rubbing beak to beak again and snuggled up to Private.

Rico watched for a few more minutes with a mischievous grin on his face. He'd never seen this kind of behavior from either of the two Penguins and it intrigued him. Finally he decided to stop spying and try going back to sleep but he wanted to know more about what he'd seen.

For the next couple of nights Rico would pretend to be asleep until the other two had snuck off to be alone, then he would spy on them. But this soon became boring and the cutesy talk would bring him to the verge of throwing up. He wanted more than watching, he wanted to experience it for himself!

Rico sat in HQ a few days later, petting his dolls hair. His doll couldn't say nice things to him, or rub beaks with him. Hell, she didn't even have a beak! He threw the doll aside and looked over at Private making the beds. Why did Private play those games with Skipper? Why not him? Private turned around to face the others, "Beds are all set Skippa." he announced cheerfully.

"Good job Private," Skipper smiled, "Now lets all hit the hay!" He ordered before climbing into bed. Private and Kowalski complied right away, Rico watched for a moment before also following orders. Unfortunately, King Julian declared that tonight called for another Party and even with his ear muffs Skipper couldn't sleep. Growling as he got out of bed, "Curse that Ring-tail!" Looking at the others he noticed they had managed to fall asleep. "How can you men sleep with all that noise?!" Even with the music and Skippers yelling no one woke up, so Skipper decided to deal with Julian himself. He climbed up to Rico's bed and hit him in the stomach, causing the crazy Penguin to hack up a grapple-gun and a hammer. Skipper started to climb ladder that lead outside "Forget the batteries, this time I'm breaking the whole boom box!" he told himself.

As soon as he heard Skipper leave, Rico lifted his head and looked around. Skippers blow to his stomach had woken him up. Before Rico had time to do anything he heard Private stir in the bed below him, he pretended to be asleep, fake snore and all. Private got out of bed and looked up at the others. "Skippa must already be waiting for me!", he said with a grin as he got up the ladder.

Once Private was gone Rico jumped out of bed with a wicked grin on his face, this was his chance to play! He chucked madly as he made his way outside. Private was looking around for Skipper when he spotted Rico come up, "Ello Rico, have you seen Skippa by any chance?" the young Penguin questioned.

Rico shook his head wildly, "Uh-uh".

A little disappointed, Private looked around a bit more "Oh well… I guess I'll just go back to bed then." He started for the ladder but Rico grabbed him by the sides and held him in place. "Rico! What are you doing?" Private demanded nervously. Rico's grip around Private tightened as he began rubbing his beak against Privates. Private blushed and began to shake with fear, "St-stop that Rico!" But Rico chucked and rubbed his beak against the younger Penguins harder. If Private wanted to play hard to get, Rico could play along. He slipped one flipper around Privates back to hold him still, while his other flipper ran down his chest. Private was in shock, he didn't even notice Rico's flipper wondering until it came to rest between his legs, stimulating him. There was nothing the younger Penguin could do, he was too scared to react.

It was at this moment that Skipper walked back into the habitat. He immediately saw the two in the middle of the platform. He gawked at the sight in front of him for a moment. How could Private do this behind his back? Didn't Private love him!? He couldn't bear to see it any longer, he ran off in the direction he had come from. He was usually the kind to take charge and confront a problem, but not this kind. He couldn't stand the idea of Private betraying him. Especially after how hard it was for Skipper to confess he had feelings for the younger.

Private finally found his senses and tried to pull away from Rico but his hold was too strong. Shaking violently in fear Private pleaded "P-please Rico, St-stop! I don't wanna do this!", he started to cry. Rico stopped for a moment and eyed the other Penguin, confused as to why he didn't want to play along. "I-I'm Skippa's mate, n-not yours!" Rico gasped, letting go of Private and stepping back. The younger Penguin took the opportunity and escaped down to HQ.

Rico just stood where he was with a confused look on his face. Mates? Wasn't that between male and female Penguins? He didn't understand any of it really, he just knew Skipper and Private were having fun together _(what can you expect from an insane Penguin that probably slept thru sex education as a chick)_. Rico wondered off to the 'Zoovenir' shop to raid it of snacks and think about things. Even his dysfunctional brain understood that he made a big mistake just then.

The next day while Rico and Kowalski were playing 'cute and cuddly' for the Zoo visitors Private and Skipper were in HQ. Private was standing in attention while Skipper paced the floor with his head down. Private had decided not to tell Skipper about what had happened the night before. He was scared Rico might try something again but he was more afraid of starting a fight between the two Penguins. Several minutes passed and Private was becoming uneasy, finally deciding to ask, "Skippa, I thought evaluations were next week?"

"This has nothing to do with evaluations Private" Skipper said not bothering to look up or stop his pacing.

"Then what is it about?" Private inquired as he relaxed a little knowing this wasn't an evaluation.

Skipper jumped in front of Private and pointed a flipper in the youths face. "You know exactly what this is about!"

He looked at the flipper mere inches from his face, then looked up in thought. His lazy eye wondered off a bit before he looked back at Skipper, "I'm sorry Skippa, I con't think of anything." he said uneasily with a shrug.

Skipper blew his top "IT'S ABOUT YOU AND RICO!", he yelled jabbing a flipper into the young Penguins chest. Private gulped unable to reply. Skipper turned his back to Private before continuing "So how long have you been cheating on me?"

"I didn't cheat on you Skippa! It-" He was cut off by a slap across the face, and not the normal 'You said something stupid' slaps he usually gets, this one had real force behind it. His cheek instantly turned red.

"Don't lie to me! I saw you last night with my own two eyes!" He growled, pointing a flipper to his eyes to drive home the point.

"It was Rico!" Private cried out, almost to tears. "I was looking for you, he grabbed me and wouldn't let go! I tried to stop him!" Tears were now freely falling from his eyes.

Skipper eyed Private with distrust, "Oh sure, it REALLY looked like you were putting up a good struggle!" he mocked "I think you WANTED it!" once again jabbing a flipper into the little Penguins chest.

"Skippa, you know that's not true! I love you!" he whined, rubbing the tears out of his eyes.

Throwing his flippers into the air Skipper retorted "I don't want to hear your lies Private! It's obvious I can't trust you, it's over!"

Private gasped "You-You're breaking up with me!?"

Skipper nodded, adding "You're also off the team. If I can't trust you as a life mate, I certainly can't trust you as a team mate…" he waddled over to the periscope to take a look outside.

His little beak gapping open in disbelief, his mind unable to process what he just heard. Private turned to Skipper "That's not fair Skippa, just listen to me, please!" he pleaded.

Skipper didn't want to hear any of it, he turned to glare at Private, "This little discussion is over _Rupert_. Now get out of my sight!" he turned back to the periscope.

Private was surprised to hear himself being referred to by his real name, he hadn't been called Rupert since he was admitted to the team. He took a long sad look at Skipper before following his order. He climbed the ladder and poked his head outside, he immediately saw Rico standing at the entrance to HQ. Rico had a sad look on his face, he had heard the whole conversation, Private climbed out and scrolled his face at Rico. "This is all you're fault Rico! I'm NEVA talking to you again!!" he yelled as he pushed Rico away and stormed out of the Penguins habitat.

Rico opened his mouth to say something, anything, but being 'not so good with words' he wasn't able to articulate what he wished to say. Rico hung his head and pouted. Kowalski waddled over to Rico's side holding some popcorn he got from some kids. "What's wrong with Private, Rico?" He asked in his usual intelligent manner. Rico just whined weakly.

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D'aw! I thought it'd be cute for Privates real name to be Rupert. Anyways, Chapter 2 will be up in a few days.


	2. Chapter 2

I wanted this to be a two-shot story but it's better to make it three. Suspense is a good thing, yes? Enjoy!

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Two weeks passed since the break-up, Skipper had completely immersed himself in work and training. He was completely ignoring Private as if he didn't exist. Private on the other hand was a wrack, he did nothing but wallow in depression and watch Monty Python. It was clear to Rico that the two shorter Penguins would not resolve this issue themselves and the guilt was eating away at him.

Lost in thought trying to think of a way to fix things, not that he was having much luck, Kowalski came up next to him. Scribbling in his notepad, "Skipper and Private have been acting very strange lately, did we forget their Birthdays again?" he asked turning his pad around to show a doodle of cake and presents. Skipper and Private indeed had birthdays only a few days apart but that was months away. Rico shook his head no, Kowalski pulled the notepad back and began trapping his pencil against it in thought. "Perhaps they are both ill?" Kowalski questioned before the notepad was rudely taken from him.

Coughing up a few crayons Rico began drawing on the notepad while Kowalski watched with interest. When he completed his work Rico handed the pad back to the slightly taller Penguin. Looking it over he saw a drawing of a crudely drawn Skipper and Private holding flippers, with little hearts all around. "Yes, they have been dating for awhile now, but that doesn't quite explain their current behavior." Kowalski pointed out.

With a groan Rico X'ed the picture out with a black crayon, then pointed at it enthusiastically. It took a moment for Kowalski to make the connection but finally it came to him. "Oh! Well, that would explain things. But why would they break up?"

Quickly averting his gaze Rico's cheeks turned bright red, noticing this the other Penguin eyed him closely. The other began to fidget with shame, "Rico, how could you?!" Kowalski scolded, but not loud enough to wake the Private who had fallen asleep from his constant crying.

Rico could say nothing in his defense, literally, so instead he covered his face with his flippers and sobbed. Kowalski took petty on Rico and padded him on the back slightly, "We'll just have to figure out a way to get them back together again." he concluded. "But how? Neither one of them seems to be willing to look at the other, much less talk things out…"

Suddenly, a rare event accrued, Rico got an idea, "MARLENE!" he spat out.

Considering this for a moment Kowalski replied, "That's an excellent idea Rico. Marlene would have more understanding on the subject of love, being as she is a female." And with that failed logic they both left HQ.

As soon as they left the Penguins habitat they were spotted by Skipper, who was setting up an obstacle course in the cross roads. "Where do you two think you're going?" he called while coming over to them. Though Skipper was treating Private like dirt he wasn't giving Rico the same treatment, he placed the blame all on his now Ex.

Kowalski thought for an excuse, finding one Skipper might believe. "Rico drank too much Hot Sauce. We're going to the infirmary to get medicine, less he throw up all over…. Again." He cringed while Rico quickly pretended to be ill.

"Rico! How many times have I told you, Tabasco Sauce is NOT a soft drink?" he stopped momentarily to count on his flipper, "Six times man, SIX! Now get going, I don't want to clean up any _messes_." Skipper ordered before turning back to his prier task.

The two Penguins made their way to the Otter's habitat and proceeded to tell Marlene the current situation. She took in the information carefully, once Kowalski was finished she glared at Rico, "How could you be so cruel Rico? You probably scared Private half to death!" she yelled throwing her arms into the air.

The mentally handicapped Penguin flinched, Kowalski interjected "Now, now, there's no need to scold him. Rico simply didn't understand, there's not much going on up there after all." Kowalski knocked on the side of Rico's head, an echo could be heard from inside his skull.

Marlene's focus darted between the two Penguin's for a moment, "…. Right. So, why exactly are you telling me all this? Not that I don't find it all…. Fascinating." She questioned warily.

Rico kept his distance while Kowalski explained, "Well, being a female we thought you would have some idea on how to get Skipper and Private back together?"

"Okay, there are soo many things wrong with the logic in that." She paused to rub her chin, "But… I do have an idea! When people are having relationship troubles they have a romantic dinner."

"And that really works?" Kowalski sounded skeptical.

Marlene frowned for a moment, "All we have to do is get them alone together, with a little romantic atmosphere. I see it on TV all the time!" she said reassuring them. "We can even have it in my cave! I'll set everything up and we can have the dinner tomorrow!"

"Hm, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to give it a try." The tall intelligent Penguin said still considering this option.

With the plan decided everyone went their separate ways. Marlene to fix her cave to be romantic and Kowalski and Rico to figure out how to trick the other two Penguins into unwilling going along with the plan.

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Will the plan work? Will Skipper forgive Private? Will I stop asking questions? Find out in the next chapter!


	3. Chapter 3

Dun-dun-DONE!

I hope everyone enjoys the ending. :3

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"This is your idea of romantic?", Kowalski questioned as he looked around Marlene's cave. Nothing had changed except a picnic blanket and basket in the middle of the floor.

"Of course, people love picnics!" Noticing the flightless bird's unconvinced look she crumbled, "I worked with what I had, cut me some slack!"

Knowing he probably couldn't have done any better, Kowalski nodded. "It'll have to do. Although, perhaps some candles would increase said romantics?"

As if on cue Rico starting regurgitating candles of different sizes, they were already lit. He quickly placed them around the cave, chuckling every so often.

"I'm not even going to ask how he does that!" the Otter mused, amazed at how Rico is always full of what they need.

Kowalski leaned over and whispered, "I can assure you, you don't want to know…" a look of disgust crossed his face for a brief moment. "Alright, we'll get Skipper and Private. It should only take a few minutes."

Heading back to HQ the taller Penguin asked, "You remember the plan, Rico? I'll take care of Private, you deal with Skipper." Rico nodded excitedly.

Half an hour later Marlene was pacing and fidgeting, she couldn't stay still from being so nervous. She whipped around when she heard Private. "Ello Marlene, how are you?" he smiled happily.

"What is _he _doing here?!" came a voice opposite of the direction Private had entered. Skipper appeared from behind a bush.

"Kowalski said Marlene had butterscotch lollies!" Private rubbed his belly and licked his beak.

"Well Rico told me Vampire Spiders were attacking Marlene!" Skipper retorted.

Marlene was a little confused, "Vampire…. Spiders?"

Taking his attention away from Private he glared at Marlene, "Just what's going on here Marlene? Is this a set up!"

"Well… You could say that. Yes."

He cut her off before she could explain, "I can't trust anyone! Everyone's against me!"

She gawked at him for a moment, _Skipper's loosing it _she thought. "What?!… No one's against you! We're trying to _help_!"

"Aw, that's sweet Marlene…. Help with what exactly?" Private stupidly inquired.

Slapping a paw over her face she replied, "Get you two back together! Come on, you know you love each other, so what do you say? Give Private another chance Skipper?" She looked at him with hope in her eyes, only to release he was already walking away.

"No thank you, Marlene!" He was grabbed by his flippers and dragged into Marlene's cave. "Hey, unhand me!" She looked at him, for some reason her expression stopped him cold. _Nothings more scary than an angry female_, he thought to himself.

Private walked in behind Marlene, "It's not going to kill you to sit down and have dinner with Private. You owe him that much!" She ordered.

He admitted defeat, "Fine Marlene, you win this time. I'll play along this once, just to prove your little plan won't work!" Skipper sat down at one end of the blanket.

"Uh-huh, sure…" She looked back to the other Penguin, "Come sit over here Private." He did so, trying to avoid Skipper's hateful glare. "Okay, you two stay here and chat, there's some food in the basket. I'll be outside if you need me." Marlene smiled to herself as she left, this was bound to work. That or she'd have Kowalski wipe their memories.

Time seemed to drag on, neither one saying a word nor looking at the other. To distract himself from the awkward feeling Private began looking through the basket. He pulled out a bag of Goldfish crackers. "Oh look Skippa, your favorite!" He held them out for him to take, but Skipper just sat there. "Fine, I'll eat them myself!" Opening the bag he grabbed a flipper full and began eating.

"Well this sure has been fun, but I have training to do!" Skipper announced as he got up.

"Right, cause training will fix everything!" the other retorted.

Turning around to face Private he barked, "There's not _to_ fix, Rupert! You cheated on me, end of story!"

Standing up Private yelled in return, "I told you it wasn't my fault!"

"If that is true, which I doubt it is, why didn't you stop him? Deep down you wanted it, didn't you?!" His eyes narrowed.

"I'm too scared he'll try blowing me up to want anything from Rico! It happened so fast and I was scared, I didn't know what to do!"

Skipper threw his flippers in the air, "Punch him, kick him, bite him. Do something besides stand there and take it!"

"Easy for you to say. You always know what to do, and you're never scared." Private frowned looking down at his feet, he had always admired Skipper for those very qualities.

"Flattery will get you nowhere Rupert.", Skipper pointed out.

"Stop calling me Rupert!"

"Well that's your name, _Rupert_. What are you going to do about it, _Rupert_?", Skipper kind of enjoyed mocking Private, it was making him feel better.

With sudden swiftness Private lunged at him, pinning him to the cave wall. "Stop being such a jerk Skippa, it's not fair!" tears began to well in his eyes.

Skipper struggled against Private but it was no use. He never knew the other had so much strength, he certainly never shown it before. As he stared at the electric blue eyes staring back at him, glazed over with tears his own expression began to lighten. A sudden pain struck him, the same pain that always struck him when he saw hurt in the young Penguins eyes. _Those eyes should always be filled with happiness,_ he thought to himself.

Without warning flashes of the past clouded Skipper's mind.

_A little Penguin still covered in down feathers was sitting at the edge of the platform, crying his little heart out. A Zoo keeper had just placed him in the habitat and the still young Skipper figured he must be scared to death. "Hey there Soldier!" Skipper had said in a calm manner. The little Penguins head shot up, frightened to the fact he wasn't alone. "It's okay, I won't bite." He joked, but the other recoiled anyways. He tried again, "My name's Skipper, what's your name?" _

_The tiny Penguin was silent for a moment, then looking up at Skipper with those adorable eyes he replied, "Ru-Rupert…"_

"_Rupert huh? That name doesn't suit you." Skipper said rubbing his chin. "Well little man, looks like you're now a member of the group. Come on, I'll introduce you to Rico and Kowalski." He started for the ladder but was stopped. The little Penguin had latched onto his side, burying his face in Skippers feathers. He could do nothing but blush, despite wanting to push the other away he just couldn't find it in himself to do so._

Another flash, another memory.

_Skipper had been awakened to the fact his bed was being shared. He looked to find to was of course Private snuggled up to him. The young penguin had just lost all his down and was sporting new black feathers. He nudged Private, who looked up at him, "You're getting too old for this soldier." _

_Private pouted, "B-but Skippa, I had a nightmare! Please let me sleep with you tonight!" he pleaded, those eyes boring into him._

_He relented, "Alright, but this is the last time." Laying his head down he cursed himself for letting Private watch scary movies with Rico._

"_Thank you Skippa, it won't happen again, I promise." Private had said as he snuggled back up to him. Of course it wasn't the last, but every time was the same pleading eyes and the same promise._

"…You're eyes turned me gay…" Skipper commented still in a haze of memories.

Private looked perplexed, "What did you say?".

Shaking his head to clear it of visions. "Nothing, nothing at all.", he defended quickly, but found himself trapped once again by the other Penguins eyes.

Outside Marlene was joined by the other two Penguins. "How's it going in there?" Kowalski asked.

She shaked her paw, giving the 50/50. "I heard yelling a few minutes ago, but then it got quiet…"

"Picnic!" Rico squawked.

He couldn't take it anymore, how could he resist those eyes, sad and pleading. From the very beginning they had the power to melt his heart. Skipper swooped him into a hug, Privates feet no longer touching the ground. Stunned briefly, he quickly returned the hug. Happy to finally feel the affection he has known his whole life, the affection that was his whole life.

After a moment Skipper pulled out of the hug. "I suppose I could give you _one_ more chance. But there better not be a repeat of this, got that Soldier?"

Private saluted, "Affirmative Skippa!"

A several minutes (and a few make out sessions) later, the two Penguins exited Marlene's cave holding flippers. "I've got to hand it to you Marlene, that was a good picnic." Skipper admitted while Private giggled. Pausing for a moment, Skipper looked back, "Oh and Rico, you're on probation!" They both continued walking.

Rico groaned, his punishment had just begun. Private waddled back, and whispered something in his invisible ear. As he left to catch up to Skipper Rico's attention fell on Kowalski. A demented grin crossed his beak.

Puzzled, the taller Penguin opened his mouth to speak but was tackled to the ground, "MATE!" Rico sang.

"Oh that's just gross!" Marlene shrieked.

**The Ends**

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Teehee, Private played matchmaker! 3


End file.
